All Around Me
by DeadToLove
Summary: Sequel to 23 Days, only this time Ray and Mikey continue the story. Collab with BloodForMyBreakfast.
1. Chapter 1

_After the My Chem show that night, we started blowing up at each other again._

_"You messed up!" I screamed, willing to be mad at him for anything at all._

_"No I didn't! What the hell are you on?!" Ray shrieked back, disbelief and anger marring his perfect face._

_"Actually, it was me who messed up." Frank admitted in a tiny voice._

_"SHUT UP!" Mikey yelled._

_"Don't talk to him that way! He didn't do anything!" Ray snarled._

_"He's Gerard's boyfriend, why don't you let Gerard stick up for him?!"_

_"MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR MEDICINE INSTEAD OF BEING AN ASS!"_

_"FUCK YOU!"_

_"YOU ALREADY HAVE, AND IT WASN'T VERY GOOD!"_

_The next thing that was said, I wish had never left my mouth._

_"If that's how you feel, it's over you jerk!" I screamed, before darting past Ray and toward the bus. I heard Ray's cries and screams of agony echoing behind me as I ran..._

It's been three weeks. _Three weeks_. It might as well have been three years. Three decades, three lifetimes, three anythings at all. Three lives and deaths and everything there ever was. And I hate him so much for what he did. But I hate myself more because of what _I_ did. And I hate myself even more so because Ray hates me. And as much as I may loathe him, I love him more than I could ever feel anything else for him, so all of it is redundant, really.

I crawl out of bed, wishing with all the strength in my body that I could just stay there forever until I fall asleep and simply don't wake up again. We're staying in hotel rooms, now. Neither Ray or I would agree to staying on the bus, so here we are. I'm supposed to be sharing with my brother, but I think I kicked him out last night when he saw me flushing those fucking pills down the toilet. However, when I wake up - all alone, of course - there's another bottle of them on my bedside table, with a note scribbled in my brother's artist's scrawl.

_Mikey. Take these. Please. Well, not all of them, obviously. Take whatever you're supposed to. I'm trusting you. And I can't lose you, I've been too close to that before. If you need me, I'm in room 879. Just knock, okay? And don't do anything stupid. I love you. -Gee xxx_

I swallow. Hard. 'Don't do anything stupid'. He said that he trusts me. He must do, to leave me unattended with so many pills. It would be so easy to just swallow them all...so easy...so painless...and they'd all be better off, really...

There's a bang on my door. I don't answer it. Instead, I wonder how Gee got all those pills, when I need a shed load of ID to get them. I swallow. Another bang. Then a key swiping. It must be Gerard, he kept the spare key.

"Mikey?! Shit, you scared the hell outta me! Are you okay?" His eyes go from concerned to afraid to surprised to concerned in a matter of seconds. He walks up to me and gives me a hug, squeezing my shoulders tight and kissing the top of my head.

"No. No, I'm not Gerard, and it's killing me," I whisper into his chest. He lets me cry all over him, just rocking me back and forth like a baby, and when I stop crying, he drags me over to the bed.

"No, Mikey. No. I love you. And I'm not going through this with you again. I'm not letting you feel like this again and I'm not feeling like it myself again. I'm your big brother, I'm supposed to protect you. So let me protect you. Please."

I simply fall into his chest and feel it move up and down on my face. His breathing is slow and controlled and rhythmic, even though I can hear his heartbeat in my ear and it's too fast. "I want to die."

The words shock me, even though they come from my own mouth. This brutal honesty isn't good for anyone, least of all me.

"No. No you don't. You just want the pain to end." He breathes in, or sighs, or pants, I don't know. His voice sounds fragile but confident in itself. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And it never makes anything better. I can't live without you, Mikes. Don't leave me."

"You have Frank. I have nobody, and everybody hates me. And I don't blame them, either."

"I do have Frank, you're right, and I'm blessed for that. But you have me, Mikey. And you have Frank, you know he loves you too. And Bob. Bob owes you big time. Owes his place in the band to you. And you're his best friend. And even Ray doesn't hate you. Nobody hates you, love. Nobody but yourself. And you can't control that. It's not your fault."

"No. It is. It's all my fault. This whole fucking thing is my fault!" I shriek, jumping up suddenly and kicking the first thing I see. It happens to be the bedside table. The lamp, my cell, my spare change, the alarm clock and my motherfucking pills fall onto the floor as the table falls over, scratching the wall. "I hate this! I hate everything!"

I sound like a fucking hormonal teenager. But what else am I? Only an attention seeking idiot. Like the rest of the broken and the beaten and the damned.

"Mikey, calm the fuck down! This isn't you. Like it wasn't you...wasn't you _that_ night. This is never you. You are a wonderful person, and you are calm and sweet and forgiving. So sit the hell down and take that fucking medication. I want my brother back. I miss him. I miss you, Mikey."

"Well, Mikey doesn't miss you!" I spit, pushing him when he stand next to me so hard that the shock and the literal force knocks him over. I hear a bang, and a whimper, but I don't turn back. I storm out of the room, out of the hotel, and down the street, not caring where I go, as long as it's as far away as possible from them.


	2. Chapter 2

Bob and I were walking back from the store when we crashed into Mikey. I was sent tumbling to the ground.

"Sorry..." Mikey whispered, and tried to pass us. Bob grabbed his shirt, preventing him from running off. I got up, and walked back to the hotel as quickly as I could, taking the bag from Bob. I darted into the elevator and closed the doors before they could catch me. As soon the doors opened, I was running toward our room, and inserted the spare room key into the lock. I grabbed the razor from the bag, and left the bag on the bed, darting in the bathroom and locking the door. I quickly tore it apart, and turned on the shower, plugging the tub so it would fill up. I pulled off my shirt, leaving my jeans on so I wasn't sitting in there naked. It'd be awhile before they realized something was up...  
I listened to them talk for awhile.

"I don't know if Gerard's okay...I kind of lost it and pushed him into something..."

"I'll go check on him. Stay here though."

"Okay...hey Bob, can you bring me my meds?"

"...of course." I heard the door open, then close. I waited till all was quiet before I began to drag the sharp edge of the razor down my arms. Slowly of course; I was making sure the cuts were deep enough to bleed quite a bit.

"Ray...if you can hear me...I'm really sorry about what happened. I miss you, so much. I still love you. Can...can we talk?" I didn't answer. There was so much blood, and I was getting dizzy.

"Ray? Ray, unlock the door..." I watched the knob wiggle. I closed my eyes, allowing darkness to take over, right as the door flew open...

~X.x.X~

It was dark. Everything was so dark, and my arms hurt. I could feel that. I could also hear voices.

"This all my fault..." Mikey.

"Shh..." Gerard.

"The doctors said he'll recover..." Frank.

"At least, he's supposed too..." Bob.

~X.x.X~

I floated.

The darkness never went away, but I could hear them. Sometimes I dreamed. The dreams were weird. I was dead in them, like I had wanted. I mean, I knew I wasn't dead right now, but I knew for sure that I had been close to it.

I could hear a guitar sometimes. Though usually when I heard it, it was a dream. One time though, I think someone put headphones in my ears, because all my favorite songs and bands were playing through my mind for hours on end.

To say it comforted me while I floated was an understatement. It_ relaxed_ me. I felt peaceful. I mean, sure, my arms still hurt like a bitch, but I wasn't sad anymore. Or angry. Or anything. Just the sweet feeling of relaxation. It was as if I was dead...

I wasn't dead though. I knew this because of, once again, the pain in my arms. They burned with pain, and I knew I was screaming. At least, in my head I was. How did they know I was going to wake up, if the only sign of life from me was my heartbeat?

Did it truly bother me, that I might actually die from this stupid stunt?

Yes. Yes it did.

~X.x.X~

Everything was so_ bright_. I blinked multiple times. I could hear soft snoring from around the room from many different people. Gerard and Frank were slumped on the floor in the corner. Frank was snoring, Gerard was breathing quietly. Bob was snoring in a chair in the other corner, and then I felt a hand in mine. Mikey was asleep in a chair beside the bed, his hand gripping mine. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, maybe even a week for all I knew. I squeezed his hand, hoping to get his attention. His eyes fluttered open, and they met mine.

"Ray!" He breathed.

"Hi Mikey..." I croaked. Ow...that hurt. Probably because I hadn't used my voice in so long.

"Your okay..." He smiled. Then his smile faded.

"You scared the hell out of me, you jerk! How could you kill yourself?! Did you know how _stupid_ of a stunt that was?! You could be fucking dead right now, and I would've lost you! We're supposed to be partners, remember?! You chose suicide over _me_. You _wanted_ to leave me, and I don't choose that... Ray, I don't choose that..." Mikey yelled, but his voice had fallen to a whisper by the last part.

"If I remember right, it was _you_ who left _me._" I reminded him.

"I know, and that was the stupidest thing I could've done." He said, leaning toward me. I let my eyelids flutter closed, and his mouth pressed against mine. He kissed me slowly, our tounges dancing and fighting as our lips parted. When we finally broke apart, I felt sleepy again.

"How long was I asleep?" I whispered.

"Unconscious, actually. About four days. It was hell."

"I could hear you guys though."

"Yeah, the doctor's said that you probably could."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

We sat in silence.

"You lost a lot of blood...the doctors had to give you a transfusion." He whispered, tracing circles in the back of my hand.

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm partly to blame. It's okay though. I forgive you."

"I forgive you too." I whispered. I felt my eyes close again.

"Sleep, my love..." He whispered. I did, not even needing to be told twice.


	3. Chapter 3

Ray's out of the hospital within a few days, with a shiny new bottle of happy pills just like mine. We match, now: both crazy. This really is a chemical romance, doused in all our meds: Gerard would be so proud at the poetry and tragedy of it all if it wasn't his brother and one of his best friends who were the insane ones. If it hadn't occurred so chaotically and hopelessly.

But it seems it took something chaotic and hopeless to make us say what we'd both been wanting to say all along. That I love Ray. And that he loves me. And that small fact is something I doubt I'll ever be able to grasp, because why would somebody like _him_ ever love somebody like _me_? It's astounding. It's perfect. And I love him so much; I'm just so glad he's okay because for four long days I was terrified it'd be just one of us with those fucking pills.

Gerard wakes me up by falling out of his bed. I open one eye and look down from my top bunk, glad he's on the bottom, because if he'd fallen off the top he'd probably have broken his neck or something. I squint in the semi-light and see that it's not just my brother out of bed. Frank is, too. And he's on top of him. And they're making noises. And they're not wearing anything, either - apart from the Gerard still has his socks on. I swallow hard and look away. No, thank you. I do not want to see that.

I turn around to look behind me, and see Ray awake in his bunk - he's also on top, above where Frank is _supposed_ to be. Bob is in the three quarter bed in the other 'bedroom', not having to endure the stress of the bunk room. He called dibs on it as soon as we got back on the tour bus and out of the hotel. He says he gets sick of 'hearing us all having sex'. Which is fine by me. I get sick of hearing him snore.

Ray rolls onto his front and looks right at me, and I do the same. We lock hands, and he kisses me on the lips. I can't believe it was only fourteen days ago that we found him in the bathroom like that - bloody and pale and groaning and blood there was so much blood so much blood so much-

"I love you." He silences the horror movie playing my head. But it's not a horror movie, not really. It really happened. It's reality. And that's the scariest part of all.

"I love you too, honey." I breathe a sigh of relief when the gruesome scene is erased from my mind.

"Shall we go...somewhere else?"

I nod hungrily, desperate to escape the sounds Frank and my brother are making. Because, out of the corner of my eye, I can see what Frank's doing with his body, to the one underneath him. And I know that the one underneath him is my older brother. And that's kinda gross, because I really don't wanna look at him doing that. Not at this time of night.

We jump off our beds, because frankly we're just too cool for ladders, and hold hands when we bang into each other at the bottom. I dance like my feet are on hot coals to get past the other two, who are dangerously close to the door. Ray shuts it with a slam, so they don't roll out of the fucking room and end up having sex on the kitchen table or something. Ray slouches onto the sofa and I slide in next to him, pulling up my knees and resting my head on his shoulder.

"I missed you, baby," I murmur, kissing his cheek and trying to pull my eyes away from the crisp white bandages on his wrists.

"I missed you as well, Mikes. I love you. Don't ever forget that."

I swallow, and it sticks to make a lump in my throat so it's hard to choke out the words. "I won't. I won't ever. But you...you can't ever do that again. You _can't_. Because you know that it would kill me too."

"I...I won't, Mikey. I just got so hopeless...I can't live without you."

"No. I know. But I can't live without you, either. We have to stay strong for each other."

He plants a kiss on my lips, and I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing myself to him, moulding my body to the shape of his.

"I love you, Ray."

"I love you more," he murmurs into my hair, and I'm about to playfully protest, but sleep has a firm grasp of me, and I yawn as my eyes close themselves. He laughs, stands, rests my head on the cushions behind me and then reappears with blankets and hot chocolate from the kitchen.

"Budge up, dork," he laughs, when I fall into his space on the sofa. I move groggily and open my eyes wide enough to hold the drink without spilling it. I drink it leaning on Rays's shoulder, snuggled under the blanket with him, his arms wrapped around my chest. And I guess I fall asleep that way as well, because we're in the same position when Frank wakes us up in the morning by tripping over the coffee table.


	4. Chapter 4

_I felt Mikey's mouth mold against mine again, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, whimpering as he pressed me into the sheets of his bunk. His hands slipped under my shirt, and mine tugged his over his head as his mouth attacked my throat. I moaned softly as he bit down. I lifted my arms as he tugged my shirt off. He pushed me back down, and began to kiss all over my chest, my stomach, and everywhere and it felt so fucking good. I threw my head back, and tried to quiet the whine that slipped from my lips as he bit down on my neck. I reached up with shakey hands to unbutton his jeans, and I tugged them off. No boxers. Sneaky little... _

_"Oh!" I heard myself gasp. Mikey had unbuttoned my jeans, and his head was bobbing up and down. I tangled my hands in his hair, whimpering and moaning as he worked on my lower regions. I gasped when I finished, and we didn't hesitate to pull each other's clothes off. His warm body fit perfectly against mine as his hips settled in between my waist. He prepared me quickly, and then with one swift thrust of his hips, I was in heaven once again..._

I woke up sweating and panting. Mikey was curled into my side like he had been last night. I heard him snore lightly, and it was adorable and innocent and I felt guilty about the dream already. Frank had tripped over the coffee table, succesfully waking Mikey up. I bursted into giggles at Frank's shocked expression, as did Mikey seconds later.

~X.x.X~

My dream ended up becoming a reality that night, but Mikey was so much rougher then he had been in my dream.

~X.x.X~

Mikey was pressed up against the wall in the dressing room backstage, and we were kissing each other hungrily. His hands ran through my hair, and mine ran under his shirt or over his hips. He jumped up, and tangled his legs around my waist as I pressed his back into the wall, making him moan. He kissed me roughly, and I kissed him back just as rough.

~X.x.X~

"AH! Frank! Frank! Frankieeeeeee...ahhh!" I was woken up by Gerard's whines and moans as he and Frank got at it _again. _ I thought Mikey and I were bad, but they are even worse. Mikey cuddled into me, trying to ignore it like I was. Neither of us had clothes on, as we had fallen into bed and torn each other's off as soon as we got back. Mikey rolled on top of me before I realized it now, and began to rock his hips gently against mine. We kissed softly, no tounge, just sweet kisses over and over. I felt him slip into me, and his hips beginning to move gently against mine. I heard myself moan and whimper, and then his mouth claimed mine. He usually only made love to me like this on our anniversary or my birthday, sometimes Valentine's Day, but this surprised me that he would do it at random. I wasn't complaining though. It felt incredible when he did this...

~X.x.X~

I woke up happily in Mikey's arms, my arms tangled around his waist. He was snoring softly in my ear, and I slowly got up. Gerard and Frank were still passed out in each other's arms, both snoring away. I slipped my jeans on, and felt the box in my pocket. Good, still there. I walked out into the "kitchen" to make coffee.

~X.x.X~

I was nervous as hell for the My Chem show that night. Was I really going to do this? Yes. Yes I was. As Gerard wrapped up Helena, I began to walk over to Mikey while still playing my guitar. Mikey actually smiled for once onstage when I got close to him. I nodded at Gerard.

"Now Mr. Ray Toro, would like to have a few words with you my pretties." He cackled at the audience, making them laugh. I shivered nervously, and took the microphone from Gerard.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this...Mikey, you should know I love you, because this is going to be hard in tight jeans." He giggled as I said this, totally oblivious. I handed my guitar to Gerard, who also took Mikey's bass, leaving him confused. I pulled the box from my pocket, making sure he couldn't see it, and slid down on one knee.

"Mikey, I've had you all to myself for six years. Well, six years isn't long enough. I was the rest of my life with you, and that still won't be enough, but it's the best I can do. We've been through a lot of shit in the past few months, with you suffering depression and getting diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and then me getting depressed and both of us being put on medicine together. That's beside the point though. The point is, I love you Mikey Way, and I mean this, forever. Will you be mine forever and always?" I opened the box, holding my breath as his eyes locked on the simple gold band inside. Tears filled hisbeautiful eyes, and I felt my heart sink, thinking he was rejecting me.

"Yes! Yes, Ray, yes!" He yelled. I slid the ring on his finger as I let out the breath I was holding. I stood up, and he threw himself at me. I picked him up when I wrappedmy arms around his waist, spinning him around as he threw his arms around my neck and kissed me. I sat him on his feet, but didn't release him as his mouth worked with mine in ways that it never had before. We slowly broke apart, and I kissed him one more time, sweetly, and I brushed away the tears of joy on his cheeks, as he brushed away mine.

"I love you." He breathed, as he hugged me tight.


End file.
